come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize