apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
