she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
