we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
