New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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