Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
4 words: hood of his car
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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