Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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