homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
