So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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