I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
