erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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