I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
