i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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