Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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