I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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