i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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