Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
