The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
