I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
