the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
did you just send me my own nude
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
