the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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