if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
