So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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