I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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