im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
