you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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