I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
