How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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