that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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