I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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