he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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