So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
