Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
