mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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