I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
