Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
