Pregnant stripper...not hot.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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