he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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