I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
sarcasm needs its own font
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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