Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
