i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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