The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
