she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
