you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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