did you get engaged???
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
