I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You're a waste of cheezeits
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
