Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
