Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
