i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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