It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
