Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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