tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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