I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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