I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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