I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
