U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
