I wish you could order shots online.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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