You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
