What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just cropdusted the office
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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