We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There's always time for handjobs
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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