tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
