When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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