Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
