It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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