yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
