I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish you could order shots online.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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