Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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