By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You left your phone here
Wait...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
