sarcasm needs its own font
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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