Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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