my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
