he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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