If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Randomize
